I am not Ok!

I’m not okay. And I’m done pretending that I am. (insert Jelly Roll song or a drum roll)

I’ve been running on empty for many years. Looking back, it likely started in my 20s, when I believed I had to work three jobs to be valued: to help people, to feel good, to be worthy. Nursing. Caretaking. Showing up. All while quietly abandoning my own needs; unsupported or not seeing it.

Right now, I don’t know where Healing Hollow is going. And I am finally at peace admitting that; all the products created from experience, maybe my last creation is something other than oils.

For as long as I can remember, my life has felt like a steady stream of conflict and trauma, some shaped by my own choices, some that may be generational. My childhood was surrounded by conflict where the adults didn’t take accountability. For a long time, that made me angry. Now, as a single mother and business owner living with exhaustion and confusion, I can see it differently. My parents were doing the same thing I was- surviving with only the tools they had.

I’m still learning what generational trauma really means, but I see the patterns clearly. I see the choices my sister and I made. And I see how much of my life has been about endurance.

Here’s the condensed timeline of my adult life:

1998-One of several car accidents resulted in a head injury. I didn’t receive the support or understanding I needed. I didn’t yet know I was a sensitive empath. I pushed through, believing strength meant ignoring myself.

2002-My dad died. I kept working. I kept showing up.

2005-I had a child and opened a rehab-Pilates business. I kept showing up.

2006-My sister was murdered. Life was never the same. I kept showing up.

2006-2009-I raised my son, ran a business, and lived through grief, guilt, and a four-year murder investigation and trial that ended in January 2009. There was no time off. No support. I kept showing up.

2011-I had another baby while growing my essential oil business, blending by my story thus far.

2012–2019-I opened the first Healing Hollow, which eventually grew into five locations. I showed up.

2020–2023-I left my relationship unexpectedly and endured a prolonged divorce with significant financial and operational strain, alongside COVID closures, decision fatigue, and deep mental and physical exhaustion, surgery for melanoma. I kept showing up.

2023–2024-I began to regain clarity. I started seeing my lifelong pattern of putting others first and never setting boundaries. I removed toxic people from my life, made difficult decisions to protect myself and my children, and began showing up differently.

September 2024 — After setting firm boundaries and letting go of an employee, I was assaulted by her husband and suffered repeated head trauma. Two days later, I relocated my store. I showed up.

2025-The aftermath: counselling, court dates, moving homes, and working more as sales declined with the economy. I showed up. I think. It's all a blur.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you.

It’s now January 2026, and I’ve avoided my shops since December 24th. I can’t fake it anymore. I’m not angry. I don’t feel like a victim. I understand so much more than I ever have before; I’m just deeply tired. Not showing up.

What I’ve learned along the way is incredible. And I know this pause, this uncertainty, is leading somewhere better-even if I don’t know where yet.

So, I’m choosing honesty. I’m choosing rest. And I’m choosing to listen.

I’ll be sharing more daily as I navigate what’s next; for me, and for Healing Hollow. Not because I’m broken, but because healing has always been at the heart of what I create.

If this resonates, you’re not alone.

More tomorrow xo

Pictured: Me + my sister-long before we knew how complicated life could be.

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